1) This week saw me sustain what must be the first cheese-related injury in history. No joke! I took the dog to dog-training and cut my thumb open on a piece of Manchego! You may ask what I was doing thumbing about with a piece of Manchego in dog-training, well: you have to take “highly salient” treats and I didn’t have anything particularly suitable. The trainer suggested tiny bits of cheese. Yes I KNOW they’re not supposed to have cheese, and I never give it, but it was an emergency situation. And given that this dog regularly has things in his poo that I can’t even fathom, I couldn’t really see how one piece of cheese could kill him. At any rate, cheese never made it to dog because the bloody stuff was so hard I couldn’t break it up! And then the rind shot down beneath my nail and cut my thumb and then there was blood.

Incidentally, the training went very well, thank you very much – Mr AMR did all of the proper work, I just handed slithers of chicken and stood there like a lemon, sucking my bloody thumb.

2) From one cheese to another… SMELL MY CHEESE! KISS MY FACE! AHA! Yes, I’m talking about Alan Partridge and, in particular, the fact that last Sunday I did actually kiss his face. Steve Coogan’s, if I’m being accurate, but he very kindly indulged me and slipped into “Alan” mode when I asked him to. What a sport. He probably gets asked “to be Alan” all the time, so: thank you Steve. You made my day. I have ticked one of my lifetime achievements from my to-do list! (Sad, but actually true.)

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Last week we had ten under ten, this week it’s five under five. Next week, who knows? Two under two? Ha! That’ll cut my workload down… Actually, it’s really quite unexpectedly hard to find good things online for less than a fiver, unless it’s all beauty stuff…

So first of all, the book that many of you have urged me not to read… I have to say, I’m sitting on the fence. Do I need lots of harrowing images floating around in my already morbid mind? If you fancy a long – but apparently incredible – read, then A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara is currently £3.85 at Amazon here.

I’ve recently discovered this nail polish from KIKO when I was judging nail products for a beauty awards and it’s just absolutely top-notch. Shiny, gel-like with an intense colour. Pro Power Nail Laquer from KIKO is £4.90 here.

I love the print on this A4 (ish) notebook from Ohh Deer. Very sultry and more than a bit House of Hackney, if you ask me… It’s a snip at £3.99 here.

The micellar water that’s cheap and cheerful and lives next to my desk, to be used liberally every time I do any sort of makeup testing. Garnier’s Skin Naturals water does the trick when it comes to speedy cleansing, though not on waterproof makeup – it’s available as an “add-on” item at Amazon for £2.66 here. You get a huge 400ml bottle for that price!

For an inexpensive treat that properly works (and I have to say that I greatly appreciate the humour that has been injected into this product!) the Dirty Works Cucumber Eye Pads from Sainsburys. Cool, refreshing and amusing Instagram fodder… £3

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Some rain essentials for you, this week, seeing as though the UK is experiencing a seemingly relentless downpour. Man, I need a holiday…

Wading on in with an investment piece, first of all: the Kensington trench from Burberry. This needs to be the sort of investment you make for life, not just for a season – it’s prohibitively expensive – but a classic Burberry coat, luckily, will stand the test of time. You can find it online here – there’s also a monogramming service if you fancy splashing even more cash…

You may be wondering what’s going on in the picture above: brace yourselves, for this is something so genius and ridiculous in equal proportions that it might just take your breath away. It is a raincoat for your handbag. Yes, dear readers, a Handbag Raincoat. Why the hell haven’t I seen one of these before? I need one in my life. Imagine being able to cover up your luxury bag as soon as the first raindrops begin to fall – it’s like lovingly blanketing your vintage car when the frosts set in, or wrapping your palm tree trunk with bubble wrap in the winter. Or whatever it is that you’re supposed to do. I can only see a US website for this, so if anyone finds a UK stockist then let me know – prices start at $25.

For those without a handbag raincoat there’s always the faithful brolly. The Birdcage umbrellas from Fulton are always a good bet – you won’t catch these turning themselves inside out at the slightest hint of a breeze! Deep enough to protect your whole head and shoulders from even the most enthusiastic of showers, it’s handily see-through so that you don’t walk into walls/lampposts/other people. These people at Fulton, they think of everything… Find the Birdcage umbrella here – it’s £18.

Givenchy’s Noir Couture 4-in-1 Mascara has had a bit of a makeover, with special flowery-print packaging. A new overcoat, if you like. This mascara is seriously waterproof, to the point that you need a toolkit, complete with chisels and hacksaws, to remove it – it also boosts lash volume, lengthens and curls. Find it online here – it’s £25.

The internet is flooded with affordable wellies, but I still have a thing for a classic Hunter boot. This short version is really smart, I think, and is 40% off at The Outnet here – £45 instead of £75.

Right, that’s it – enough of this rain. Next week it’ll be shorts and t-shirts. Everyone send positive summery vibes!

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It has been a few weeks since I (thankfully!) finished The Goldfinch and I have managed to add another rather hefty tome to my “done and dusted” pile. I seem to be doing a kind of literary self-flagellation with all of these extra-long novels – I may have to pluck something short and sprightly from the bookshelf next – but I must say that you get quite a different sense of satisfaction from polishing off a book that you’ve been reading over the course of a few weeks. It’s like a lesson in endurance. And you end up thinking about the characters even when you’re not reading about them, because they have somehow infiltrated your mind and soaked into your subconscious thoughts, always there, ready and waiting for you to pick up the novel once again at bedtime.

Actually, I’ve been reading Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth much more than just at bedtime: I’ve been picking it up over lunch, snatching a few escape-from-reality moments as I chew on a sandwich; I’ve been sneaking a chapter or two when I wake up, rather than pointlessly checking twitter or having an extra nine minutes of sleep. I’ve found myself becoming completely sucked into Ken Follett’s medieval world that has proper evil baddies and Knights in Shining Armour and hero peasants and lazy monks. The Pillars of the Earth follows the building of a cathedral and the various misfortunes and unjust happenings that befall the people involved. It’s your typical “good vs evil” kind of plot, with a hideous Lord who rapes and pillages and a clever and likeable Prior who repeatedly thwarts him, but there are so many ups and downs and twists and turns that it’s impossible to outline the plot for you in any great detail. Just know that it’s a rollercoaster ride! (Sometimes frustratingly so. I must say that the ups and downs do become a little bit predictable towards the end.)

If you enjoy the Shardlake series of books then you’ll appreciate this novel’s historical backdrop, but don’t be put off if you hate anything too factual: this is enjoyable fiction through and through. Follett has the kind of effortless writing style that’s lovely to read – the perfect balance of dialogue and descriptive passages, the right amount of dark humour and serious observation. His attention to detail is just brilliant and his characters are colourful and believable.

This should be a definite Christmas List addition for those who love historical fiction but have done all of the Sansoms and the Philippa Gregorys and other releases of the more recent years. It came out in 2007 and I can’t believe it escaped my notice (thanks to Jess Tibbits at Instyle for the recommendation). It’s something of a long-haul effort to get it finished, but it’s compelling right until the very end. If you’re buying it as a present then you probably won’t want to give a battered old copy like mine (a penny plus postage from Amazon Marketplace!) – you can find a new one on Amazon here for £7.19.

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