
I’m back from “South-of-France Round One”: and what a brilliant trip. Chanel hot air balloons, dashing men opening doors for me and a gorgeous new No5 fragrance to tell you about, once I get a moment to write things up. I now have just twenty-four hours at home before I need to jet off back to Cannes for the film festival, so I’m frantically trying to sort out a few administrative issues whilst simultaneously scheduling blog posts and searching online for tit tape. (I’m wearing the plungiest dress on the red carpet at Cannes; I have no idea how on earth I’m going to control my breasts. They’ll be having a party every time I move!)
I was slightly afraid of my bathroom at the Colombe d’Or. (A great – and very quirky – hotel I stayed in at Saint-Paul de Vence, which was near-ish to Chanel’s rose fields, where our press trip was taking place.) Firstly, the bathroom was yellow – all yellow – and it reminded me of the sort of bathroom that might appear in a horror movie. (You know; chosen by the location people especially for the yellow tiles and strange lighting, and because the blood of the -usually blonde – victim would look so vivid splattered up the walls.) Secondly, the shower head above the tub was stuck to the wall at a height of around three feet, which was too low for me to climb under, even on my knees. I realise that you’re meant to hold the shower head higher, but there was no little metal thing (hose holster? head clamp?) for me to slot it into. So hair-washing was out. Why didn’t you wash your hair over the bath-tub, using the shower head? I hear you ask. And to that, I say: see point one. The psycho fear. Leaning prone over a yellow bathtub in what is a very convenient position for an easy decapitation, with water pouring over your eyes rendering you temporarily blind, whilst your back is left completely exposed and the noise of the shower spray drowns out the creaking of your hotel door being stealthily opened: the conditions could not be more perfect for an errant serial killer with a penchant for cinematic, visually striking locations. Continue reading









